Unlike embracing new year celebrations like in the past, this time around, I should say that the welcome party was more subdued and unresponsive. There is a sense of urgency in doing the best I can, coming close to 40 always reminded me that I am getting ‘older’. The small soul inside me prompts me back and quickly raises the hand to ask me a difficult question; “was the last 365 days made you older or wiser?”. On any given day, I would safely skip that question and dive into my routine of getting myself up-to-date on latest technology, skimming through junk blog websites and try to put my analysis way before they do. However, the ‘urgency’ is building up and I cannot skip these questions anymore, any longer.
Soul searching is something I always want to do and yet I yield few results when it comes to putting it in action, but that does not stop me from doing what I want. Constantly listening to great speeches by BhramaSri Chaganti, I have realized that wisdom is something beyond my reach at this time and there is a lot to learn about life. Being a good human takes enormous humility and understanding of oneself and I often resist to agree that fact that my motivation to convert myself into an responsible individual is seldom practiced. 365 days is ample lot of time for a human being to right themselves and yet years flew past us and we realize so little. My last 365 days did not achieve anything that I can be proud of and I hope I would not repeat the same mistake in the next 365 days. New Year does not intimate us what it would be bringing to us but reminds the fact we have lost few more days of our life and yet so little was done.
Irrespective of my intentions and ambitions, upcoming days are going to remind me every single moment of my past 365 days and ask me the same question again and again. I would like to change my answer every single day and find one set of 365 which I am proud of. I sometimes believe that I fail to find the purpose of my life and given the fact of the length and breadth of the knowledge I ‘think’ I have, I have failed terribly in making myself ‘wise’ enough to make myself always happy. I believe in God and yet argue with my colleague asking him to prove it to me. I boast that I shred hatred and yet go to the boundaries of dislike. The very gift of being able to speak as human is being wasted in spending and learning stuff that does not add ‘value’ to life. I assume no philosophy crossed my mind that make me forget my responsibilities but, it is my ability to side step them that brings sorrow and disbelief on to myself.
I hope I will make this 365 teach me being ‘wise’ and most importantly keep everyone around me happy. I wish myself a very Happy New Year!