… and I said

When freedom personifies an action, it yields ‘words’. God gave the gift of expression and I catalog it…blessed I am.

There is nothing under the sky not to know and understand and, in my quest of that journey, I have learnt and learning. This blog is my ‘freedom’ than anything else. I can be wicked and wiz, dumb and dormant, express and elate and yet be ‘free’.

Welcome to my freeeeeeeeeeeeeedom.

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Yoga Vasistam
by Sage Valmiki

In the memory..

 पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात्पुर्णमुदच्यते
पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥
 शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥

Behind that unassuming smile of his lie a student who wish to seep all the knowledge that one can grab to make life more meaningful than ever. My association with Peda-Pedanaanna (eldest of my dad’s brothers) is unlike any other siblings of a vast 9 children family of my grandparents. I lay no claim that I am better than anyone but, I am sure that I am the lucky one. Today I woke up looking at a bad news that he departed this world physically and a billion thoughts breeze past me like a tsunami. All those childhood memories that I have filled mostly with utmost respect had something in them that I understand now as somewhat mature person that behind that calm figure lies a learnt soul. My conversations with him were casual for better part and yet had an element of intellectual exchanges. Being a child of the youngest sibling, I not only had ‘easy’ access but for better part of my adolescence, we were living close-by. The small talks that we shared were mostly clouded by my grandmother’s visits. Barely I saw him not with a newspaper in his hands, no matter the time of the day. For his times, he is very well educated and had a highly respectable job. I barely knew him before retirement and yet can connect all the dots of his life with whatever I could get from him. His assumption that I am well read came with the burden of removing clutter from our conversations. His tone always had the ‘inquiry’. Carefully chosen, his choice of words were stamped with authority for me as a child. Having his mother beside me always put me at ease in front of him. He is more of a father figure for my father and that carried with me whenever I met him. Including my father, all the siblings (my father is the youngest of the 3 sons) has this unique sitting posture with their right leg governing over the left leg commanding respect that naturally comes from the recipients.

I remember all those tiny details of the front room (Vijayanagar Colony) that he had, and the order and essence of their unique presence, for a man who would show his interest in me, ever changing as I was growing old. Time to time, Mom used to send some chutneys and savories which he loved the most.  For some reason he assumed that I can know everything, painting, singing, literature, etc. It has nothing to do with reality but for my association with SriRama Navami. For any person, this would bring a sense of guilt that carry on heavily on one’s shoulder but, for me, it only drove me further.

I am glad that he spent his post retirement life to the fullest, getting to know us (all the cousins) all and understanding the order of the universe. His sense of ‘duty’ towards life unknown to me at that time made all the sense in the world in later days. Grandmother’s departure invariably created a huge gap for my visits. As time passed by conversations became rare and precious. A walking encyclopedia she is, Dodamma always knew about us all and may be she was the source of his connection to a vast family tree.

Our conversations only became longer with distance.

Things changed for him and me, almost simultaneously. He decided to spend his final journey in the Holy abode of Puttaparti while my life took an interesting turn making me a relentless seeker of ‘Advaita’. Somewhere there is a connection that would only transpire in our conversations. He understood my babyish ignorance and yet kept his ears wide open. Over the time, I think he understood my journey more like a friend and only had encouraging comments. Unknown due to my ignorance, the order of the Universe connects people to seek out from each other. The wise listen and the unlucky ignore. I will carry that small unfulfilled wish that I cannot see him in flesh and skin. I nevertheless will not be sorrow that his time has come, for one, he is still alive in my memories as precious as ever.

He came from ‘Purna’ and he is blessed to merge with ‘Purna’, a person who was always ‘full’.

Good bye Peda-Pedannanna!

– Kishore

New Year ?

We humans need a reason to celebrate and some spoiled brats decided in the past that the Gregorian Calendar shall begin on a day called January 1st and we will celebrate it as a new year. In their defense though, something should start some where, even if its not perfect. Like all other previous years, this January 1st will remind us the spent journey, be it wise or not. Many people make resolutions, some keep them some don’t and many others will chose to ignore all together. Like I said, something should start on some day and humankind decided this is the day. So, what exactly is New? This is a question I ask myself every single year, and pacify myself, that it is the printed calendar that hangs on my office wall, with 2015 printed in bold. I question myself, “did I turn my Old into experience”? or let it go as bypassed seconds that I least care about or knock my brain out on how wasted I was as a human being. New is something we all have control on, new is something that we can all do that it is not done in the past, new is something that we can all say with pride that we did things differently to make our lives better. Do we stop here or do more?

One thing that constantly last year reminds me was that, every time I sit in front of the God and close my eyes to pretend praying, what is that I seek from doing that? Peace, prosperity, happiness, wealth, health or ‘I don’t know’. So, I follow a simple principle, do not seek anything as what ever I ask is what I should deserve. And, what ever I have is more than what I ask for and yet the unending quest of ‘wants’ wander around my brain. I was mostly successful in not asking anything materialistic for most of the time. There are millions out there and for a reason or another, God wished them to be under privileged and suffer from sorrow and pain. Numerous good souls, work day in and day out to balance this act and serve all those who cannot even afford to pray, because their suffering comes first, their hunger overtakes their belief and their thirst outweigh their hopes. So for what ever reason God chose to gave me what I deserve, I will chose to share what ever I can, be it love or life. In celebrating the fellow human beings, I wish to share the empathy and help those in need, when ever I can and what ever I can. So help me God that the ‘new’ thing that shall happen this year is the strength I seek to help the people in need and wish for their happiness and peace.

Let me have a Happy NEW Year!

An d hra Pra d esh

As I always insist, human being can take any side based on his/her individual preference and circumstances. There are lot of people out there, who are equally talented, and can argue about the bifurcation of the state of AndhraPradesh. No matter which side you take, or believe in your heart that the bifurcation or staying united still is an individual ‘consolation’ to the alter-ego rather than fortitude of human thought.

I was born and brought up in Hyderabad, the state capital of AndhraPradesh which is conveniently located in the now-contested region of Telangana. Historically, the small kingdoms in India have pretty much dictated the boundaries of the states in the pre-independence era. However, after the language based states have formed, some regions in India are left to ‘fate’ and ‘compromises’. The founding fathers had no intention to divide India into several states, their main intention was to keep the country united by respecting individual aspirations, culture and the gigantic democratic fabric of the great nation. Irrespective of what many believe or say, my strong support that human knowledge has evolved in the Indian region more so the ‘Bharat’ is an undeniable fact.

Great leaders had great visions. They respected humans ability to communicate among themselves effectively but bifurcating the nation by language, yet making ‘Hindi’ a national entity, the only language that has the closest resemblance to Sanskrit’s Devanagiri script, the mother of myriad languages.

Unlike epic times, bad people or not scarce at all, they live and breath among billions of people in India and ultimate bad normally turn into politicians. Telangana movement is an artificially created human emotional drama, that has roots into myriad twisted facts and evil ambitions. The so called political pimps like KCR and his family does not care about people’s quality of life, and rather ‘use’ their predominant ignorance of understanding of ‘nation’ and ‘state’ to their own advantage to accumulate and loot state’s wealth. Political spectrum across the breadth have personal agenda’s and the single mantra that most of them use has been inherited from the then evil empire of British, ‘divide-and-rule’. Unfortunately, the sad fact is that in the current state of affairs, it is not only easy to instigate differences between people, but the basic fabric of rich culture is proving to be disadvantageous to the welfare of the nation. Casts, creeds, colors, language, dialects, food, behavior, tribe, religion, etc., you name it and people can develop differences in a matter of seconds.

People often forget that fact that boundaries does not make a nation, its the people who make it, define it and characterize it. AndhraPradesh is not being divided, its the people who are. As long as there are people who vote for those selfish political bastards, they have no right to question them either.


యథాలాపంగా స్నేహితులం కొందరం, ఇంట్లో పని ఎగ్గొట్టి మా సమావేశానికి అనువైన ఆదివారం, ఒక కాపీ (కాఫీ) కొట్లో (కొట్టేమిటి అసహ్యంగా ..!) కలుసుకుని, అత్యంత విలువైన మాటలు మాట్లాడుకుంటున్నాం. ఒకరు ఒబామ అంటే, వేరొకరు రామ్ని. ఇలా అమెరికాకి కాబోయే రాష్రపతి గురించి ఒకటే చర్చ. వెధవది, ఇంట్లో పప్పు వండాలో, కొత్త సొఫా కొనాలో లెదో, అమ్మాయికి డాన్సు నేర్పాలో లేదో లాంటి చిన్న చిన్న ఇంటి విషయాలు ఇల్లాలికి వదిలేసి, దేశానికి సంబంధించిన ముఖ్యమైన విషయాలు నిర్ణయించే అధికారం కొల్పోకుండా, మా మానాన్ని మేము మా లొకంలో విహరించే సమయానికి వూడిపడ్డాడు ఇంకో కోతి (అదేనండీ స్నేహితుడు). వీడి గురించి చెప్పాలంటే కవితే కరెక్టు..

నెత్తి మీద వున్నాయి వేలెడెన్నివెంట్రుకలు,
ఎత్తి పెట్టి వేసినా నాలుగంటె నాలుగే
క్రొత్తగా ఏంచెప్పను వీడికున్న అంట్రుకలు
నత్తిగా చెబుతాడు బోలెడన్ని కోతలే

కొంత మందికి మాట్లాడడం ఒక కళ, వీడు వచ్చాదంటే వేరేవాళ్ళు మాట్లడడం కల్ల. హెఫ్నెర్ అని ఒక ‘కళా’కారుడు కలడు. అమెరికాలో రాష్త్రపతి పేరు తెలియకపోయినా ఫరవాలేదు కానీ, వీడి గురించి మాత్రం తప్పకుండా తెలియాలి, వాడు సేవలందించే మార్గం అటువంటిది మరి. ఆ మహాను ‘భౌవ్’ లాగా, వీడు కూడా వెల్వెట్టు ప్యాటు, చలేస్తే వెల్వెట్టూ జాకెట్టు, లేదంటే కనీ వినీ ఎరుగని ఒక టీ-షర్టూ వేసుకోస్తాడు. మరి మగానుభావులకి చేతిలో ఎదో ఒక ఆభరణమో, ఆయుధమో వుండాలి కద. మరి మా వాడికి ఎంటా అని అడుగుతారా? (మీ ఊహ కి కూడా అందదు… కష్టపడకండి చెబుతాను) మా వాడి పర్సు, పరుసా? మరే, పరుసే. నా తలకాయ అంటారా (అది మీ ఖర్మ)? మరి చూసి తీరవలసిందే మరి. వినాయకుడి సైజుకి బొజ్జలాగా, పాత మొగుడి నెత్తి మీద బొప్పిలాగా, టిప్పు సుల్తాను చేతిలో కత్తి లాగా, మా వాది చేతిలో పర్సు. ఎందుకంటారా? అది మరి జేబులో పట్టాదుగా! మరి అందరూ పడేసిన కాగితాలు ఎరుకుంటాడో, లేక వీడు పడేసాకే మునిసిపాల్టీవాళ్ళు ఎరుకుంటారో కనీ, ఈ పర్సనబడే వస్తువుంది చూసారూ..అది ఒ గజం పొడుగూ, అరగజం వెడల్పూ, మహభారతం అంత మందం వుంటుంది. ఆవేశపడి తొంగిచూసేరు సుమా, జాగ్రత్త, పరా హుషార్, అలక్ నిరంజన్, అబ్ర క దబ్ర (ఇంక ఉపమానాలు చాలు). చిత్రగుప్తుడి చిట్టాలాగా, ఆ పర్సు నిండా కాగితాలే. వుండబట్టలేక అడిగేసాను ఓసారి. “నువ్వు సంచీ కొనబోయి పర్సు కొన్నావా, సంచీ అనుకుని పర్సు లో పెట్టావా?” అని. కానీ వాడికి ఈ పర్సు అంగవైకల్యం అయిపొయింది. ఎంచేతంటరా?, ఒక చెయ్య ఆ పర్సుకే అంకితమైపోయింది మరి, వున్నవి రెండేనాయె. అది జేబులోనా పట్టిచావదు. అంత కష్టపడి అది మొయ్యడం ఎందుకూ అంటే, అది వాడి ఆస్తాయె, అడగడానికి మేమెవరు. అంత మాహత్యం వున్న పర్సుకి కవితాంజలి.

పర్సులో పెట్టావ పదివేల డాలర్లు,
రుసుము కట్టిన ప్రతీ రసీదు పెట్టావ,
ఊసుపోక పేపర్లు ఉత్తినే కుక్కావ,
పసవున్న పడుచుల్ల ఫోటోలు దాచావ!

….ఇంకా వుంది (అంత వరకూ చొంగ కార్చవచ్చు)


Sometimes I am lost at words  on how to describe my feelings to myself on how many ways I can screw up myself. Strange as it seems, my road to perdition is neither new nor has changed. The sense of ego and foolishness often give me enough credits to label myself as a human being who know the truth and yet fail to embrace it. I listen to ‘Dharma’ everyday and yet fail to put efforts in ‘acceptance’. God, by all means made me a semi-human, who has the power to change and embrace happiness. I feel dejected and disappointed every time there is an argument. To get instigated is a symbol of weakness but, my actions seldom broke away from that path. No matter how much I try to self analyze, dissect and perform a soul-autopsy, I fail to recognize the agony of my heart with my brain.

I do not want to chose a path that does not make me a human. I know that the answer lies within myself. Blessed I am, that I have the knowledge of many to envy but, unless I make it wisdom worthy, my asset is my weakness. I started praying God, if not too regularly. My 20-second-a-day prayer after I light-up before God had given me positive vibes. It took lot of years to understand and come close to reality. My fascination towards God and its concept had opened up to several possibilities. Yet, I am careful at choosing the right path. I know my weaknesses too well to forgo because of my ego. Humility I think is one of those gifts from God, who he thinks is worthy of and I know I can be ‘there’ and yet miles away.

Perdition neither exists beyond our world not something you get after you die. The moment I realize that it lies within myself, I can fight against it and understand myself much better. Truth has always been simple but, we humans have the greatest gift of making it the most complex work-flow in the world. I will eventually learn the trade and I am too hopeful that those wonderful moments are not too far off.

As it has always been, bad things make humans realize their distance from good and as it happens it also shows the path to it. When we realize how close we are, we reach a point where the bad departs from your soul. I always think that God has given me so much, without asking and without attachments and fine prints and  yet I crave for things that are far less important than what I need.

So God, let me say this to you that, my road to perdition has been a good one and I will walk on it and still reach my destination, only to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Help me, and I promise I will help myself.

Fundamental Fools

Every single day I read news and every single day it annoys me. And, of the most ridiculous news items, one thing that have always kept my blood pressure high is ‘Telangana’ issue. So, the story goes something like this..

A bunch of bastards decided one day to hatch a plan to make money quickly. They approached another eunuch the then CM of AP to help them out. They found the answer startling yet appealing. To become CM of a state gives you enormous power  and provide a way to make money at a pace that even Goldman Sachs shall envy. But where is the state? Hah! they have to carve one out of an existing one. Fortunately, they speak a degraded slang of Telugu and found that in spite of having the same alphabet, they can make people fight based on those differences. They cooked up books and made bunch of coward unemployed youth to believe that having a separate statehood shall uplift their lives and bring new hope in their homes. Ah! almost forgot to tell you! There is one university called ‘Osmania’ where riots, goondaism, dharnas, burning innocent students is daily norm, and take greater precedence than education. They could not believe their luck when they found that one of the professors is already part of the murky plan and he is the biggest bastard of all.

So it all started..an agitation for a separate state based on..(I think they do not know the answer) twisted facts, people’s ignorance, unemployed cowardice, imperialistic ideas and more than anything, the hungry for power. As usual the people of the state, people who work, people who pay taxes, people who doesn’t vote, people who watch movies, people who love the TV soap operas more than their husbands, people who doesn’t give a shit to others, people who blame politics, people who doesn’t trust the Government, didn’t care. These so called agitators, strangely some of them are MPs and MLAs from the same region who cared least about their constituents over decades and looted their money, decided to up their ante and stage Rasta Roko, Rail Roko,  Govt. Roko, Hospital Roko and any other Roko that you can imagine to cripple the daily lives of common  people, screw them up, give a damn about their well being and threaten to resign from their posts. The Central Govt. as usual asks for more time to decide on the state formation and this drama is being continued for almost 4 years now.

(Wrote quite enough!)

The essence of the story is there are people who bear this drama in AP every single day, in and out and do nothing about it, the FUNDAMENTAL FOOLS! Democracy has given them great power to VOTE and eliminate those power hungry parasites from the society for ever. Ask them one simple fundamental question. If you cannot live with your own speaking people, how can you live in a country with thousand dialects?



Unlike embracing new year celebrations like in the past, this time around, I should say that the welcome party was more subdued and unresponsive. There is a sense of urgency in doing the best I can, coming close to 40 always reminded me that I am getting ‘older’. The small soul inside me prompts me back and quickly raises the hand to ask me a difficult question; “was the last 365 days made you older or wiser?”. On any given day, I would safely skip that question and dive into my routine of getting myself up-to-date on latest technology, skimming through junk blog websites and try to put my analysis way before they do. However, the ‘urgency’ is building up and I cannot skip these questions anymore, any longer.

Soul searching is something I always want to do and yet I yield few results when it comes to putting it in action, but that does not stop me from doing what I want. Constantly listening to great speeches by BhramaSri Chaganti, I have realized that wisdom is something beyond my reach at this time and there is a lot to learn about life. Being a good human takes enormous humility and understanding of oneself and I often resist to agree that fact that my motivation to convert myself into an responsible individual is seldom practiced. 365 days is ample lot of time for a human being to right themselves and yet years flew past us and we realize so little. My last 365 days did not achieve anything that I can be proud of and I hope I would not repeat the same mistake in the next 365 days. New Year does not intimate us what it would be bringing to us but reminds the fact we  have lost few more days of our life and yet so little was done.

Irrespective of my intentions and ambitions, upcoming days are going to remind me every single moment of my past 365 days and ask me the same question again and again. I would like to change my answer every single day and find one set of 365 which I am proud of. I sometimes believe that I fail to find the purpose of my life and given the fact of the length and breadth of the knowledge I ‘think’ I have, I have failed terribly in making myself ‘wise’ enough to make myself always happy. I believe in God and yet argue with my colleague asking him to prove it to me. I boast that I shred hatred and yet go to the boundaries of dislike. The very gift of being able to speak as human is being wasted in spending and learning stuff that does not add ‘value’ to life. I assume no philosophy crossed my mind that make me forget my responsibilities but, it is my ability to side step them that brings sorrow and disbelief on to myself.

I hope I will make this 365 teach me being ‘wise’ and most importantly keep everyone around me happy. I wish myself a very Happy New Year!

May the lights shine forever

Happy Diwali!

Its been a while for me to re-visit my ‘freedom’ and ponder upon my thoughts and let them fly freely. Diwali is an apt moment for myself to reflect upon and see, where I have been and how I am doing. Festive season has started with great enthusiasm both at work and home and all around. With elections concluded and Obama won his second term, couple of bad news from India, reactions were mixed but, that only strengthened the position of time against human race. My regular hearings of perfectly rendered mythological speeches from ‘Shri Changanti’ bring me peace and tranquility in my everyday commute.  Looking back, there is little or no improvement on who I am and what I do. As a man sometimes I go low and seldom excel. Diwali reminds me the fact that the festival is not about lighting up your house but your soul. Victory of ‘Good’ over evil signifying the billions of lamps that are lit in every Hindu household is a mere representation of what we can do in the materialistic world, while ‘alarm’ us that the real meaning lies within ourselves to see if the ‘God’ inside each one of us is still lit.

I now do not hesitate to give myself a good amount of beating on all the wrongs I do, but the habit of putting myself up there for a small achievement still makes me a downturn brat. I hope, with each Diwali in my life, I shall resume myself and make sure my soul is still lighting inside and keep myself away from the dark thoughts and deeds. Everyday I learn repeatedly that there are people who love me most and I don’t share the same with them. My selfishness and ego sometimes endangers the light that I have inside but more than anything it is their love and prayers that keep me going.

Whatever way we celebrate Diwali, there is only one way to celebrate it with happiness, of sharing love and showering love unto others who matter the most. Blessed I am like most of you that I see, hear and talk. Do I use my senses to see light or darkness lies within my conscience and wisdom. I pray, I pray to God that Diwali be celebrated by every human inside their hearts and keep their souls lit forever.

May the lights shine forever…


It is not irony nor coincidence that I am writing a blog after a long time and what prompted me to do so was a mere TV show. There was lot of chat, discussions, press and occult about this TV show being hosted by Amir Khan, a lovable icon and equally good human, who has the compassion and virtue of bringing a program that is very aptly titled ‘Satyameva Jayate’. It is neither my intention nor my reasoning that would make this blog entry another advertisement or propaganda regarding a TV show but, it is a soulful retrospection of myself facing the truth.

The world has enough problems and billion solutions and we sometime get washed away in the myriad reasons and believes. The other day when I went to a friend’s house for lunch, on my way back to the door there was a small plaque inscribed with Mahatma’s quote “Be the change that you wish to see..” and I told my friend that it touched my heart. Not because I haven’t read that in the past nor I have enough knowledge to understand it. It was because, it was there, ON THE WALL and I happen to see it, read it and FELT it.

Over the past few weeks, my life had been significant, just for myself. Family in India prompted me to spend time with myself and made me realize what is it that is not making me what I was. I do not know if I am blessed or cursed but, I can get influenced by what happens around me; only in a good way. My brain is nothing but a God’s gift or otherwise it would seldom listen to ‘good’. I took 2 resolutions recently and I knew at that time how difficult it is for me to follow. The easiest part was to convince others that my resolution is for real. Truth is so bitter and much ‘warmer’ than fire that it is extremely difficult to make myself convince that I took my resolutions to my soul. I find inner peace and happiness every single time I follow my resolutions and yet I have to face the truth of my soul.

I am weak and I make no fuss about it. Courage is facing truth by being true to it and not merely pretending it to be. After watching today’s episode I am taking my 3rd resolution. Unlike the first two where I wanted greater audience and hence I posted them on Facebook, this one shall remain inside me and I shall see if I can face it by myself. Those two required that others knew about it, as I shall feel accountable enough and have ‘large’ proof of being true to myself. My 3rd resolution does not need witness nor audience.

Amir Khan’s Satyameva Jaayte has a wonderful soul and it will touch every human being who is searching for truth. It shall encourage people to once again remind themselves how fortunate are they to have been born as ‘thinking’ humnas in this mighty universe. Mahatma did not write his autobiography but ‘experimented’ with truth. I am a shameless, weak and timid individual who want to take the task of facing the same truth. We two individuals are billions of miles apart in thinking and fortitude but yet I dare to say this, I am ‘willing’ to be true.

Bless me oh God and give me the strength to make myself  into a human and proudly say ‘Satyameva Jayate’.


With the new year around the corner (few hours literally), sitting down leisurely and writing this blog post is a real blessing. Family is asleep and like my usual monstrous early wake-up jitters, today is no different than others. Being Saturday does not qualify itself to be on the calm morning for me as I am someone who like to waste as much time as possible in a 24-hr slot. Sleeping is like doing NOTHING and for me, WASTING precedes NOTHING.

We will be soon moving into a new home, bigger, probably better in the next few weeks and leaving a home where we’ve been from last 7 years plus does give some sentimental goosebumps. I hope to see that the new year shall bring something which I have been asking, trying, praying, failed-to-get, not-so-successful-at and positively distant; the so called RESPONSIBILITY. My wife works hard, hard enough that kids barely miss me in a given day and things run at their efficient best when I am not around; a strange nostalgia I digest and look at it every time I walk in front of a mirror. I quoted yesterday to my colleagues in my office pantry, “don’t look at the new year adding an year to your age, but think that you are 1 more year wise”, and yet the words stop at the tip of the tongue which I should have gulped with, if not lucid then normal.

Retrospection is a way to cheat one-self so convincingly that you pat your back saying you’ve done it and you are good to go. But actions matter, and I need to sit down and think hard about them. My girl friend days were so ‘magnificent’ , that they branded me ‘versatile genius’ and yet here I am memorizing those days, chewing them hard and look at myself in awe (in more distressful way though). Is this what I am, I was and I will. In all honesty God gave me a wonderful brain and a beautiful heart, but placing them in right place earns one-self, but often not, I failed miserably in putting them at good use.

365 days have passes since my thoughts take shape for yet another new year, but things have improved little and I am not only adamant to change, but would like to see the ‘change’. My biggest bad habit is to ‘argue’, to a point where the opposite gives up because the argument looses its logic and they fear a fight. I know ways to improve and win them, but I hardly try so. My knowledge has hardly transformed into ‘wisdom’ and my passion dies before its born and lately I don’t see eye-to-eye with my own reflection.

Either I started hating stuff too much (like Apple, Inc) or love others too much (too many to list), a concept which is so hard to find in me in my early days. Either I excelled or have not given a try, the only two things I knew I am better yet. I haven’t been to Temple for long, I am at my usual best in arguing if God does exist? But, deep in my thoughts I know what I trust to be God and I go to temple, not to pray for myself but for the rest. It gives me an egoistic satisfaction that God had left nothing from me and gave me enough ego, fortitude and prejudice to pray for others. I have to teach my kids the concept of cultural harmony and why Hindu temples are epicenter of wisdom hubs. Neither of my kids are best at sports and yet have commensurate skill sets and as a father I have failed them.

Parents are thousand miles away, and sometimes you need someone elder and wiser to tap on your head and bring conscience and consciousness. Unfortunately, its been me and myself. My wife often not is the one who does that work for me and I thank her less, may be NOT. Its time that I change and bring peace to myself and everyone around me. Often not I have to keep myself remembering that my Family is a gift to me and not the other way around. Keeping my heart and soul together is what I need to do and continue to do. My wife likes simple things, while I am the most complex person to seek for answers, she often pacifies herself. One remarkable difference I can find in myself is that I have started ‘reading’ and its a good thing to do. It helps me in keeping my head down and utilize unused corners of my brain.

If I go and complain to God, its an injustice, not to me but for God himself. There are more fortunate being than me and even more unfortunate, its a gift that God gave me that I should cherish and live, my life. Great things are often simple and I am convoluted. From a person that I am, its time to be a MAN. I do pray God sometimes for myself, only to be good to others and give me the strength and fortitude to be strong for others and to be selfish in wisdom. So God, come 2012, please watch me over my shoulder, not to inflict pain or difficulty to anyone, good or bad.

From the bottom of my heart I wish everyone a very happy New Year.

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